Launch party: what the fork is 44forks?

Wouldn't parties be peaceful without all the people?

Imagine it: no nervous glances across the dining table to see which fork to use; no concerns about whether holding the door is a faux pas or fire hazard; no last-minute phone calls to discuss what on Earth smart casual means; no vomit on your iPhone.

Sadly, other people are here to stay. And so it follows that our lives will be forever riddled with hidden rules, silent conventions, and sweaty rooms filled with the muted tut-tutting of that irksome clan, The Ones Who Know Better.¹

44forks exists to explore the largely unwritten regulations that shape our homes, offices, and societies–not because I pretend to have all the answers–but because I'm just as confused as you are.

44forks is 97% devoid of upturned noses, 42% bereft of sarcasm, and virtually prat-free. The site will encourage good manners and examine their decline, without concluding that it's all the fault of Hippedy Hoppedy music or the PlayStation 3.

From etiquette to netiquette

Posts will be spliced neatly into two categories:

Etiquette examines traditional graces with a modern spin. While nostalgic sentimentalism may sometimes seep through, the emphasis will be on offering light-hearted guides for modern-day survival that you can adopt or ignore as you wish. To whet your appetite:

• Dating advice for fine young unsuspecting men

Netiquette looks at the lost world of good manners on the internet. 44forks extends the term to include the social conventions surrounding all connected devices, be they mobile phones, iPods, laptops, or toasters. To begin with:

• The Poke Chart: Facebook etiquette made easy

If you'd like to receive a polite notice for free when Polly the post pigeon arrives with new tips, kindly subscribe in your feed reader or get free email updates.

44forks the book

In addition to the regular online delights published here, I'm currently preparing the 44forks book. Whether your goal is to fake it 'til you make it, learn how to eat a banana with a knife and fork, or just have a good chuckle at the silliness of it all, you'd be loopy to lose out. Sign up for the launch announcement at the bottom of the page and get a generous discount when it's ready.

Ask an etiquestion

Finally, you are welcome to submit your etiquette queries or quizzes on the etiquestion page. A selection will be answered each month, with priority given to those which feature the words "lacy", "boudoir", or "frightfully indecent" with accompanying anecdotes or photographs.

Thanks for popping by. If you'd like to learn more, please visit the about page.

1. Never to be confused with The Ones Who Should Know Better, a sorry group consisting of five-year-olds and married men. ↩

Karen Swim says:

(19 September 2008)

Nick, I remember that conversation on Tei's blog that formed the seed that led to this blog. Congratulations! I like it and I also appreciate the Habari recommendation. I'm subscribing, because it would be rude not to. :-) --Karen

Chris - Zen to Fitness says:

(19 September 2008)

Awesome idea and design, really looking forward to what is to come as the concept is not only original but something I hold an interest in (as do many!!) Your dating advice article is very well written and helpful to a broad spectrum of men. Well done!

Amy Derby says:

(19 September 2008)

Looking forward to the bananas. :-)

Coincidentally, I am 58% sarcasm, which should blend well with your 42%. ;-)

Toblerone says:

(19 September 2008)

Absolutely beautiful and witty site, Nick, but I shouldn't expect anything less from you. I've subscribed, and I look forward to reading your words.

And I'll mention you in my links over the weekend!

Dario says:

(19 September 2008)

Nice site. I like the writing style, too.

Janice Cartier says:

(20 September 2008)

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'

Could not not subscribe...way too much fun to be had.

Great to see this Nick.

Kelly says:

(20 September 2008)

Nick,

My goal is to pair asparagus with wine. Please include in 44forks, the Encyclopaedia of All Things Politely Permissible.

Sigh, I intended to be here much earlier in the day. I do hope I'm not too late to be your first email subscriber.

Thanks for the lovely mentions, I meant every word, and shall of course continue to fawn over your wordsmithing talents at every opportunity.

Must go check your dating tips. I'm currently ISO an unsuspecting young man....

Warm regards and very best wishes,

Kelly

Sunili says:

(20 September 2008)

Hey Nick, nice work :) Looking forward to reading more about the proper behaviour for all sorts of online and offline shenanigans.

Chris - Manager's Sandbox says:

(24 September 2008)

Nick, as usual, way to go! 44 Forks is one of the most absurd, asinine, and utterly brilliant things I've ever seen! Kind of makes me wish I was British (I love the word "prat"). Good luck with the site!

- Chris

New Age Bitch says:

(26 September 2008)

I think I'm in love. Of course, my sarcasm ratio ranges from a passable 37% to an astounding 74% depending on barometric pressure and velocity, so you may adjust your response accordingly.

Tei says:

(2 October 2008)

Hah-hah! I am a genius! This was totally my idea! Haahaahaaahaa! My influence is felt across the pond!

Ian Parker says:

(8 October 2008)

Snarky and fun. This is a brilliant site idea. I'm glad they pushed you to do it. If anyone could pull this off and keep it humorous, it's you.